Grieving

Many of you may know that I lost my mother about 6 weeks ago.  My siblings along with others in my family  expected our mom’s imminent death; so we were not surprised when it happened.  In fact, I thought that I prepared myself very well for her passing.

What I didn’t expect however, was the prolonged torment that I would feel afterwards.  Her death  affected me in many ways that has surprised me.

For example, I was so sad and depressed after her death, I could no longer write.  I would sit at my computer, knowing what topic I wanted to write about, but the flow of intelligent sentences would not come.  I even began to doubt myself as a healthy warrior, and perhaps this was the most depressing thing of all.

The best I could do was to make visits to a few of the blogs that I enjoy reading.  But still, the writing would not come back.

Thankfully, I’m feeling stronger today, and hopefully I will resume writing on my blog once again.  Because I’m committed to writing more than just my blog, I seldom write a post more than 2 to 3 times a week.

The ache in my heart for my mother is still very much there, and I suppose I will have to deal with my grief   forever.   In many ways my mom was like my best friend.  I know she would disapprove of me not going on with my life as before.

I am struggling with my loss, and am trying hard to regain my footing.

I am returning to my blog and will begin posting once again, 2 to 3 days a week as I did before.  I want to thank my faithful readers for supporting me in the past, and I look forward to your comments on my future blog post.

Thanks for your visit today.

The Healthy Warrior

19 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. maggiemyklebust
    Oct 04, 2012 @ 17:04:29

    I’m so sorry and I know what you are going through. I lost my grandmother a few months back and although she was 93 and I knew I couldn’t keep her forever, it hurt. I still feel waves of grief. Time and happy memories are what helps. Maybe writing about her, whether you post it or not will help.
    Your post today was sad but lovely. I could feel your sorrow and your spirit…
    I’m sending you a hug (()) Maggie

    Reply

    • thehealthywarrior
      Oct 05, 2012 @ 01:00:31

      Hi Maggie. So glad you stopped by to read my blog. And thanks for the wonderful comment. You are right about time and happy memories are what will help most. Thankfully I have a ton of happy memories with my mom. Actually I am comforted some in knowing that my mom is in a better place because she is no longer suffering.

      Reply

  2. Katie
    Oct 04, 2012 @ 23:24:17

    You are very much a warrior. Don’t ever doubt it! Your strength shows through in the post and your mother must be very proud of her little girl-now a strong woman. Blessings and peace to you and your family.

    Reply

  3. Tim
    Oct 05, 2012 @ 01:37:09

    Keep fighting. I hope you feel better soon. I will keep you in my prayers. I know you are still that warrior but losing someone that close is very hard. I lost my grandma earlier this year and and still hurting from the loss. Time will heal you and you’ll get back into the swing of things.

    Reply

  4. beverley
    Oct 05, 2012 @ 13:41:56

    Sometimes you just have to pause and wait. Things will come to you when you are ready. Take care you are in my prayers.

    Reply

  5. Steve
    Oct 06, 2012 @ 05:25:50

    I’m so sorry for your loss. A coworker who had recently lost his mother summed it up as: you never get over the loss of your mother. Ever. You just remember the love.

    Reply

  6. souldipper
    Oct 11, 2012 @ 04:24:30

    Carolyn, you are doing exceptionally well for only having said goodbye to your mom 6 weeks ago. We can never predict how we will deal with grief – every experience is different. Each person goes through the experience at her own pace. After facilitating grief recovery sessions a few times and after having both parents die, I’ve learned that the best thing we can do for ourselves is to let go of expectations and just be gentle with ourselves.

    Because I was trained in Hospice, I really thought I’d sail through the death of my parents. Ha! As one of the trainer psychologists said, “Does a woman forego labour pains just because she’s worked on the pediatric ward?”

    The waves may come and go. A rogue wave may slap you soaking wet when you least expect it.

    Yes, you have already proven to yourself that you are a Warrior. But even warriors need a rest. They need to lick wounds and re-group – often even stronger and more wise!

    Love to you, my friend.

    Reply

    • thehealthywarrior
      Oct 11, 2012 @ 16:58:27

      Hi Amy. So glad you came to visit today, and I’m even more thankful for your kind comments. Just what I needed to hear. You totally understand what I am going through. I have my good days, but I still have a lot of bad days. I’ll be glad when the day comes that I can think of my mom and just think only happy thoughts. No more sadness or crying. Happy thoughts only. She was more than a mother. In a way, she was like my best friend.

      Reply

  7. The Writing Waters Blog
    Oct 14, 2012 @ 19:43:00

    Even when a death is expected it can be a difficult shock. Be easy on yourself and expect a little up and down.

    Reply

  8. Mr Oh
    Nov 01, 2012 @ 21:54:58

    I’ve just read this and really feel for you. My mum died of cancer less than two years ago. You are a brave lady. If I may recommend an anthology of poems that helped me: All in the end is Harvest. Best wishes. Rob

    Reply

  9. thehealthywarrior
    Nov 01, 2012 @ 22:47:50

    Hi Bob. Thanks for your visit today, and thanks for your kind words of encouragement. I love poetry, and have written a book of poems that was published last year. Can I get All the end is Harvest on Amazon? Let me know.

    Reply

    • Mr Oh
      Nov 02, 2012 @ 05:30:11

      Hi, yes, it’s on Amazon.co.uk at least. Just checked. Edited by Sue MacGregor: All in the end is Harvest. Intrigued to know more about your own poems.

      Reply

      • thehealthywarrior
        Nov 02, 2012 @ 06:04:21

        Thanks Bob. I will be going to Amazon and take a look at it. You can take a closer look at my poetry too by going to my book page right here on my blog site. Click the link at the bottom of the book and it will take you to amazon where you can read a passage or two. Enjoy!

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